Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My body and me

For many years I neglected my body in the worst way.

Not that I didn't feed it ... actually I took care of it in all ways but one. I neglected to keep it in shape.

I used to joke: "I am in shape! ROUND is a shape too!!"

But having to buy my jeans in a size where no matter how nice the cut, you look like a whale - it was no fun. I wasn't obese - like the ppl you see on tv shows where fat people get bossed around by little skinny ones, and compete in losing the most blubber in a week. But I was fat enough that my BMI was pushing 30 (and at times passing it, I think ... I didn't much like scales at the time) and my knees were starting to complain.

Fat enough that I sure as heck didn't like to see myself naked in a mirror. Fat enough to find all kinds of excuses WHY I didn't have control of my weight (even though I AM smart enough to know it's all about what you burn and what you take in), and fat enough to be deeply embarrased at this obvious sign to the world, exclaiming that I was not in control.

Fat enough to hate myself a little bit.

Later I might tell you how I managed to change my bad eating- and nonexistant exercise patterns, but for now, let me just say that I started eating differently and exercising on a regular basis about 10 years ago. I lost a lot of excess weight and gained quite a bit of muscle (I think my calves are the same size - but they look and feel very different ;-) and I learned to love my body again.

That - loving my body - was one of the two great things I learned. The other was to forgive myself. Because I still fall of the wagon, so to speak, and gain weight. Not up to the point where I once was - but still, I wish I didn't.
When I do, I don't whack myself on the head, and tell me how BAD, how WEAK I am. I just shrug and start up the food-and-exercise change again.

I am never going to look like a Baywatch babe. But I do look at myself in the full size mirror in the morning, as I pass it naked on the way to the shower. And most mornings I give myself a little wink and think "Hey girl ... you look pretty good today!".

I also love my body, when I run, or when I have to get down to pick up something from the floor, or reach for something in the back of the bottom shelf in my kitchen cabinet. I love running up a flight of stairs without feeling winded, love to feel my lungs, my thigh muscles working smoothly.

My body is paying me back for taking care of it, and it is making my entire life better. I don't ever want to be queen size again.

So I stick to my routine of running, spinning, working out and biking - and I try to eat healthy most days - and I thoroughly enjoy the red wines, desserts and snacks, that my routine makes place for in my diet.

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