Monday, May 26, 2008

On sexiness in men

Ask any woman what is sexy in a man, and she will start thinking looks: hands, ass, shoulders, smile, eyes, face.

I am no exception to that rule.

I don't know where it comes from - because the truth is, that sexiness is not the product of a mans looks. And I don't know why we always start out our line of thought on the subject right there with the ass and the shoulders.

Maybe it's pure reflex. Maybe it isn't the men, that are simple, lust-controlled creatures - maybe it is really us women. Anyway, I am more inclined to believe, that what we do is just grab the easy definition of sexiness.

Imagine the man (or woman, if you like women) that you find the sexiest of all. Is he completely perfect? Does he have tight buns, polished paws, the right hair, a smile like Nicolas Cage (or Julia Roberts) or the elegance of Johnny Depp (or Penelope Curz)? No??

My beloved is - objectively - not completely perfect. Were he to audition for a model, he would probably be told that he is a bit on the stocky side, and that his legs could certainly be longer. He hasn't been madly into skincare or have had botox shots, so you can tell by his face that he's lived.
But I think he is very hot!!

deserted beach on paros

I actually know men, that objectivly are leaning towards ugly - who just have personalities that make them quite strongly attractive. Sexy, even. A friend I had years ago, actually assembled Goofy a bit, but once you'd spent 5 minutes with him, you didn't notice at all.

Same goes for women. Don't you know her - Yes, the one that you see at parties, allways where the action is, never lacking dance partners? She might not be very young, skinny or particularly beautiful, but she's got something else. Precense, to name one thing.

When I elect to wave off the hormone-daze, when posed the question of what is sexy in a man, the answer is actually quite clear. And it doesn't have a lot to do with looks. The five primary factors, that makes a man sexy to me is:
* He's got brains and is able to challenge me
* He's got a sense of humour and likes to use it
* He uses his wit and humour to have fun - not to hurt
* He gets involved and exited and carried away with ideas
* He masters listening as well as speakin

A non-modelish-male with the above qualities can make me short of breath and shiny-eyed.
On the other hand, he can look just like Brad Pitt - if his head is empty or he lacks humour, he is indifferent to me.

I admit - there are turn-offs (and turn-ons) in exterior things. A man can be funny, smart and engaging - if he is not well groomed, he'll never hit sexy on my scale.

It is actually quite lucky I feel that way. That the inside has impact on how you see the outside. I mean, how often do you see physically beautiful men with a pudgy, middle aged, slightly flat chested girl on their arm?

But isn't it strange, how we always leave more space for "nice ass" and "wide shoulders" more space in our vocabulary? When a well-shaped brain is as least as sexy...

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