Teaching old dogs new tricks

If you don't already know, I work at a company that makes software for banks.

And last september, the news came out that we were going to take in the 3rd biggest bank in Denmark by 2012. Up until now, this bank have had their own IT unit, but as demands from laws and than kind of thing has been growing, they found it less and less attractive - they were spending a lot of manpower meeting legal demands, and as a result had too little manpower left over to develop new systems to help support their business.

As they looked around, they found a willing and competent partner in my company - Bankdata. It is owned by a number of local banks, the largest being no. 4 in Denmark.

What followed was - a number of people working at their IT unit in Silkeborg, had to swap places with a number of people working at my company in Fredericia. The two towns are a 75 minute drive apart - so to make up for that, driving to work is paid for, both the expense and the time, up until the final conversion of their systems into ours in october 2012.

By november it became clear that my department was being sent to Silkeborg, and I was really fine with that, given the good conditions we got. I mean, I am quite fleksible - or at least, I thought I was.

Now I have worked in Silkeborg for little over a month, and I can say that it has been a lot harder than I had figured at the time. To be quite frank, moving my work base that far away hit me like a ton of bricks - for a number of reasons.

For one, the drive. It is a 91 km drive to Silkeborg, and the last half is on smaller roads, where passing slower vehicles is very difficult. Add to that a lot of snow, slippery roads, and temperatures down where the salt they spread on the roads don't have any effect whatsoever. Even though I am not a nervous or anxious driver, a long trip in the dark (morning starts around 8 this time of year), with your senses at high peak to be ready for all kinds of situations, is tiring.

Another thing - new surroundings. A new office building. New people. Having to figure out where the cafeteria, the printer, the meeting rooms, the coffee automat - pretty much EVERYTHING - is. Not being able to book meeting rooms, not being able to operate the video meeting equipment. Working on a technical setup that is far from good (actually feeling like a VERY temporary setup), and working out all the quirks on that.

The change in pace - because driving is part of your working day, as a rule you lose 2,5 hours of working time e-v-e-r-y day. It really makes your cadence go down seriously - and even though I know those are the terms right now, it is very frustrating for a result oriented project manager. So far, we have managed to make ends meet in my team - due to the guys being really good sports and using extra hours on the bonus deal our company has given us (put down 100 extra hours the next year and get a money bonus on top of your overtime pay).

The change in your everyday life. A lot of my working days start at 6 in the morning, when I leave Fredericia to drive to Silkeborg, I choose to do my overtime in the morning, to have it affect my family life the least. So I have to change my sleep pattern, or be very tired at the end of the week. And I don't get the nice mornings with breakfast and coffee and breakfast table chit-chat with Bruno and Kristian that I am used to.

Also, I am suddenly far away from my kids, my doctor, my hairdresser, my dentist, my chiropractor.... it takes a bit more logistics to make things work.

So, all in all, there has been a lot of change. A lot of it not positive. And I have had times where it has been difficult for me to focus on why this is a good thing. Even though I know it is for a bigger purpose, and that it will make sense in the end, it has been a hard pill to swallow.

To be perfectly honest, I've been experiencing slight stress symptoms this december. Notice: I have not had STRESS, but I've had a couple of alarm lights flashing, that I recognize all too well. For one thing, I have been sleeping poorly. A classic stress giveaway for me. I've been waking up in the wee hours of the morning, and not been able to go back to sleep. Most frequently on the nights, where I've had to go to Silkeborg the next day. My moods have been up and down - mostly down - and my usual love for my job has been faltering. I have not been feeling happy at all.

I guess it must have been showing. Because about a week ago my dpt. manager looked at me during our weekly status - actually I was just catching my breath after a long ramble explaining how things were going in my team - and said "How about you - are you okay?".

Difficult question. But I had to fess up - and say that I had been happier.

"I know," he said "You are usually a happy girl, but you haven't been smiling lately." Good leadership work - he is a busy guy, and I am a fairly good actress.

Sometimes I've had this unpleasant experience that I found my mouth opening and a lot of negative stuff came out. And that is really not the kind of person I want to be. But it seems like somebody was taking over my body, and I was sitting on my own shoulder yelling "HEY!! Stop it!! This is not me, I am happy, positive and flexible!!"

So - I've been working really hard with myself to solve this situation. I've been thinking about how I could fit this challenge into my life in a way that would make me find my smile and my love for what I do again. The good news is, I thing I am winning this one. I've found a set of routines and a mindset, that I can work with.

And this week, the amazing thing happened: I sat at work, and I heard myself laughing. Hard and hearty, and I have felt good and energetic. My joy at working is back, and best of all: I sleep like a baby all night, every night.

So - it is possible teaching an old bitch new tricks. All you need is time :-)

I am still around, you know :D

I know it's been quiet here on my blog.

December just came and went in a hurry - and my focus was otherwhere.

I spent my time on extra xmas activities during december, including a couple of concerts with my vocal group, X-tetten (they went really well, thank you :). I had xmas parties to go to and cookies to bake and presents to buy. I took more time off for xmas than planned - I guess I needed it.

And I worked at getting used to the drive from Fredericia to Silkeborg - and learned that driving 182 km (bit more than 100 miles) every day on roads as slippery as a skating rink is not something I enjoy.

I worked out a little to little and ate a little too much.

And here I am, it is 2011, and a brand new year lies at my feet. I have no new years resolutions, and no goal for this year. But I am here, still blogging (every now and then), alive and kicking, and in fine shape (well - working on the shape).

I plan to go to the US this year, though. I want to go see my bestest friend in Torrington.

And I might blog about that, too :-)

Love and hate

I Denmark we like to see ourselves as tolerant.

And in some respects, I honestly thought we were.

Tonight, though, I was watching TV - there was a program about hate crime against gay men. Part of it was a hidden camera recording of two guys walking down the street, holding hands or with their arms around each others shoulders/backs.

I was astonished - not only did people turn and stare, some gave them dirty looks, and as evening came, so did name-calling and shouting.

There I sat - thinking: Is this liberal, tolerant Denmark, where people of the same sex can marry and adopt and live in peace?

Actually, I felt embarrassed.

I know quite a few people that are so disposed that they love people of their own gender. You know, it is something I note - like if I hear someone plays the harmonica, plays chess really well, or have diabetes. It is a bit of information about that person, that I use to understand them. Or don't use at all.

A number of the gay people I know are co-workers of mine. They are colleagues like everybody else. Some are waaay out of the closet, others are keeping the cards closer to themselves. A number of them bring their spouses to the annual company party, and hey! Nobody cares! Well, at least not in a bad way - like, I was happy to meet Michaels husband, because I know Michael quite well and had heard loads about his spouse. Anyway, no big drama. You're gay, so what?

When my husbands daughter came home to break the news that she'd gotten herself a girlfriend, there was absolutely no drama either. We want our children to be happy. And when we found out that our new family member was fun, sweet and overall a great gal, we were just happy. Because she made our kid happy.

So the hate, the violence, the shouting ... it is very foreign to me. It saddens me. It upsets me and makes me angry. It makes me wonder, what makes people so hateful and small and frightened?

And it makes me wonder:

How can you hate someone on account of who they love?

Weekend bliss!

What a great weekend I had!

I started out really healthy. I went straight from work to work out - half an hour on the treadmill and half an our pulling weights. Then an hour of zumba - and then I was spent :)

AND hungry - fortunately I was going straight on to dinner with the girls club (a bunch of woman co-workers that meet to chat every 2 months or so). We had delicious food and a good time at Irmas house...

Andreas - my oldest son, who is 23 and goes to college in Aalborg 200 km from where we live - was coming home for the weekend. Friday night he was spending with a childhood friend, but the rest of the weekend was open for us to spend together :-)

Saturday night we decided - on short notice - to go hear a blues concert in town. We have a place 5 minutes walk away that arranges all kinds of concerts, and some of my friends were going and told me about it.

So Bruno, Andreas and I went - and later came along as our company decided to go to the nearby pub for a pint. This way I happened to spend the night in a pub, drinking beer with my oldest son ... a little strange, but we had a great time!

Fortunately we'd planned NOTHING for today - sunday. We slept late, and actually I never really got properly dressed today. The boys watched formula 1 on tv and I managed to actually see the beginning before I fell asleep - F1 does that to me :)

For dinner we got pizza and ice cream ... the lazy solution.

A bit later Andreas caught a train north - the weekend was coming to an end.

It has been a great weekend, and I am charged up to meet the working week.

Bring it on!

I confess...

...I really like my job.

Actually, it sounds kind of boring when I tell others what I do. You know, I work at this software company that supports a number of danish banks. Specifically, I work in the department that develops eBanking systems.

I am the project manager of a team of 7-8 people, and at the moment we are making usability improvements on the investment side of our online bank.

Might not sound awfully exiting, but I love my job.

To me, it is the perfect mix of dealing with people and their oddities (my lovely colleagues as well our costumers - the banks), and using the mathematical/logical side of my brain to help along the analysis side of the project.

I love planning a sprint with the team, following the progress during the sprint and summing up how it went, when the sprint is over - and using the result to make our next planning a bit more precise. I like sitting in meetings, talking over solutions, and watching things come together. I like finding out what my co-workers are really good at, and I like trying to help them get even better.

I even like it when things get politically charged ... I might bitch about it, but the truth is that it just makes my job more interesting. I like learning the trade I do, and I like the feeling that I am getting more and more competent at it.

You might even say I am slightly in love with my job ... it is a combination of working with the right things, the right people and in a position that challenges me just enough to keep me on my toes. I am a lucky lady, because I go to work most days with a big smile and looking forward to the things I have to deal with.

Being a cog in this big and smooth-running machine pleases me. I know I am not changing the world, helping the poor or healing the sick - but I am as happy as a clam.

I just never want it to end :-)

Fooling fools

I am at the moment watching a show on tv, called "the power of the spirits".

In short, a man claims to have had paranormal activity in his apartment (most of the stuff rather explainable, in my opinion).

They bring in this wacky priest, who does a very obvious number of cold reading (firing off a bunch of factual questions - "I sense he is young/old/I smell tobacco/wine/have you felt thirsty/was this apartment originally two apartments" - and gets one in every 15 or so right. Every time he gets something just nearly right, the guy living in the apartment gets all awestruck. Very funny.

Then they sit down to conjure the guy to show ... nothing happens, of course, so the wacky coldreading priest "sends him across", and gives a long crazy explanation of where this assumed ghost came from.

If it wasn't so horrendous, it would be funny. If I were cynic enough, I think I'd pursue an alternative carreer. People are standing in line to be cheated.

A hole in time

For 70 years an apartment in the center of Paris stood untouched and unused.

Nobody came or went there. Just the years passing by. The dust fell, silently. No voices marred the silence, no hands separated the curtains to cast a glance outside.

Then the lady renting the apartment died, and it was opened.

Everything stood the way it was left 70 years ago .. and for the first time in many decades somebody stepped in and broke the silence.

When I read about the apartment in the newspaper yesterday, it triggered my fantasy madly. That stately apartment, left one day. Maybe a book lying on a coffee table. Perhaps a drinking glass left in the sink in the kitchen. A pair of slippers, abandoned in a corner. A hairbrush on a bedside table.

And quiet. Quiet. Quiet. The dust settling, the years passing. Soft sounds of the world passing by. Outside.

If I were a writer, I'd write a book, inspired in that abandoned apartment, quietly dusting over while life bustles around it.

It would make a fantastic, gloomy, odd story, I think.