Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Feel like a woman?

At Simon's blog I recently read a post about feeling like a real man.

Normally I would consider Simon one, but he misses it a bit in that post, I think - feeling that he looses his masculinity, because women take part in decisions on picking out things, that he would consider man-stuff - flat screen tv's, pc's and that kind of stuff. Så he seeks sanctuary for his male identity by owning the REAL Gillette-shaver ... and when he uses it, he feels like a real man.

Yeah, right ... I know it's all for fun. :-)
But I couldn't help teasing Simon just a bit - by telling him that instead of hunting for the feeling of manliness just should be content in BEING a man. My comment went like this:

It is a little odd, that need to feel like a real man. For instance, I
never go around thinking "Oh golly, I feal like a real woman right now."
A woman - that is something I am. Not something I feel.
Sometimes I am happy, other times sad or angry, but I can't think of a
situation, where I feel "womanly".
So maybe you boys should just give up "feeling like real men" - and just BE

Honestly, I didn't quite understand where he was at! Neither when he asked me, if I didn't feel more womanly when I go shopping with girlfriends, or go at some wellness thing?
Ever since then I have been pondering - are there times, when I feel like a real woman? I have thought and thought and thought - and no - I don't think so.

I don't mean to claim, that I am not feminin, and that i don't do girly stuff. I do care about my looks, I shave my legs, and I happily put on uncomfortable shoes to look good. It's just that it does not give me a distinct feeling of "womanliness".

I may feel gorgeous, because I made an effort to look good. I may feel really bored, because I have to spend 15 minutes shaving my legs really well - it is not exciting (even with my Gillette shaver - one of those pink Venus thingies with a leg-friendly handle).

I have gone to extremes to try to find a situation, where I get this womanly feeling.
For instance... when my beloved folds me into his wide chest, kissing me passionately (and, yes, he STILL does that quite frequently after 6½ years). That ought to make me feel ultra-feminine? Nah. Not really. If I make an emotion-status in the situation, I might feel:
  1. Great love for him
  2. Happiness coz he is WONDERFUL and MINE
  3. My heart beating faster
  4. A feeling of being safe
  5. And yes - if he is thourough enough, I might feel a bit h*rny....

But do I get more feminine by being kissed? Why should I feel more like a real woman? I am a woman in both situations: being kissed by my darling, and lying with my ass sticking up, messing with something behind my PC.

Do you remember that old R&B song: "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman"? I never got the point of that. The woman singing, that she didn't get to feel like a real woman until she met this guy. Honestly, to me that sounds really strange. And is that the same feeling I should have shopping with my girlfriends?

Maybe that is where I get it wrong. I simply don't remember shopping with girlfriends since I left puberty behind. I don't shop. I go out to buy stuff I need. Sometimes I need jeans. Then I buy jeans. And yes - I do sometimes impulse-buy clothes, but I NEVER go out shopping - you know, in the cafe-latte-way.

On the whole, I see myself as a person first and foremost. And as a woman second. I feel a whole range of things. Joy, frustration, sorrow, triumph, love, pleasure, irritation ... the whole spectre. But at my core, I am human. Perhaps that is why I can't relate to that "Golly, I feel womanly today!".

I have a rather direct angle on many things, and some would characterize it as masculine. I communicate directly. I have nerdy preferences in books and movies (I love Sci-fi), and then I have my 4 shelf-metres of Stephen King books (in english). I love gocarting, and on of the most fun things I ever tried was rapelling. I love crazy roller coaster rides. But I also like to bake and knit and watch chick flicks.

Perhaps I am missing a patch in my system software. But the fact is: No - I never feel really womanly.

I just am a woman - and that is good enough for me.

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