Saturday, January 12, 2008

About perspective

I've really been in touch with my shoulders in the last few years.

20 years workin with computers (counting school) has left its mark. I seem to have a working pattern of straining a muscle holding together my shoulders - called the rotator cuff.

Just a few years back, i didn't know there was something by that name. But in the past couple of years I have learned the precise location of it, and where it attatches to the bone. I can feel it frequently - and not in a good way.

A few months ago I started doing, what Bankdatas masseur has been telling me for years. I started weight training focusing on my shoulders - carefully, with low weight and lots of repetitions. In that way I should be able to work out a lot of the problems, I have been struggling with in my shoulder area.

But a month ago I woke up one morning with a pain in my neck. During the next couple of days it moved into the shoulder, and from there on to the outside of my upper arm, until it finally moved to the front of my shoulder, where it appeared as a burning pain. Some days most movements hurt. Other days it only hurt doing certain things - and fortunately, those days were the majority.

I did think, though, that a month was too long, som wednesday I went to the doctor. Not too early, because the last couple of days I was having a lot of pain, and had to take pain killers to be able to sleep.

My fingers have been tingeling and buzzing, which is yet another bad sign.

The doctor took a look at me. He can't say for certain what is wrong, but he believes it is located in the ligaments and muscles. I believe him, because I have never had any accident that could cause damage to the shoulder.

He is sending me on to get an x-ray of my shoulder - it can tell facts about the shoulders soft and harder parts.

In the meantime I have gotten a package of rheumatism pills called Diclofenac. They hurt my stomach som, but in the past days they bother me less and less. I think it's gotten used to them - fortunately, as I have to eat the pills for 10 days.

My experiences with rheumatism pills as a cure for strain induced inflammations are good. Some years ago I had a strained knee fixed by taking Voltaren - it worked like a charm.

Even though it's going the right way, I was feeling very sorry for myself wednesday. I thought the pain had gone on for too long. The tingeling, buzzing feeling in my hand scared and annoyed me, and I was worried about whether I could get better. I do make a living out of my writing (and thinking :-) - and if my arms can't do it, I am in a pinch. What can one do with a badly functioning right shoulder/arm?

When I was at my most self-pitying, I happened to think of a collague of mine. She's fought cancer for 5 years. When she was diagnosed, she was told, that she would have 10 years at the most.

She is open about it - and I see her as ressourceful, positive and happy. She's chosen to live, while she is living - and she CRAVES her 10 years. That will mark her twin girls 18th birthday, which is very important to her.

Okay. That put my troublesome shoulder in perspective. Because I really don't have much to whine about. Not a real problem - merely a challenge.

I got my butt out of the couch, went around the house to hug my family, and then I went to fold some clean clothes. Slowly and cautiously.

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